H2O+C6H12O6+NaCl=WINNING!

Last Updated on Monday, 06 June 2011 20:59 Written by Michael Monday, 30 May 2011 17:23

Seriously, let's take a step back from the flashy commercials and catchy songs and think about sports drinks.

All they are really required to do is replace water, glucose and electrolytes lost during exercise.  You don't lose, nor do you ever need, FDC #1 Blue, brominated vegetable oil, or glycerol ester of wood rosin.  Water, glucose, electrolytes.  All the rest is marketing hoobajoob.  I think the artificial colors piss me off the most because they're so blatantly unnecessary, manipulative and, mounting evidence shows, potentially dangerous.  One of the most popular sports drinks, Gatorade, says on their website:

• Why do you use artificial color? Can you make Gatorade without artificial colors?

  The colors of Gatorade not only look good but also help in flavor perception and enable you to tell different flavors apart. All colors and ingredients in Gatorade qualify for human consumption according to the requirements of the FDA, added at the lowest possible level to achieve the desired color. [from the Gatorade FAQ]

Let me de-Madison Avenue that for you: The human mind has come, over the course of its ancestral development, to associate certain colors with pleasant taste and energy density.  Brightly colored berries appeal to us for this reason: bright color=ripe=high sugar content=maximum energy value. We at Gatorade make Gatorade brightly colored to activate your mind's pleasure center and encourage you to drink more of our product.  You notice how we never really answered your question about can you make Gatorade without artificial colors, but instead went on about why we put them in and how they're not bad for you, really, really we promise?  That's an old rhetorical trick to sound like you've given an answer when in reality you've done no such thing.  Short answer: Yes, you CAN make Gatorade without the artificial colors, but you wouldn't drink as much, and that's bad for our bottom line.

Well, you know what?  Screw Gatorade and their advertising double speak and shelf life extending ingredients and mind manipulating rainbow of colors.  You can make your own, blandly colored but completely effective sports drink at home for a fraction of the price.  Here's what you'll need:

1. 1L of water (H₂O)
2. 1 tsp. glucose/dextrose (C₆H₁₂O₆), you can buy this in bulk for hella cheap at some health food stores.
3. 1/2 tsp. salt (NaCl) I like to use sea salt or some kind of minimally processed salt that will be about 98% sodium and the remaining 2% other electrolytes like potassium, calcium, and magnesium.
4. 1 lime for vitamin C and taste.

Juice the lime, mix the juice, water, glucose and salt all together.  Drink.  Simple, cheap, palatable and free of unnecessary nonsense.